On The Lighter Side: Just Hair-Doing It Up

Oh beautiful hair….. It’s been a good two years. It took me a while to feel you upon my neck once again, but you’ll be back.

 So I thought I would write up a more light hearted post about my second experience with shaving my hair off. I thought this time would be a little bit easier. I already know what I look like bald. My head isn’t too deformed like I may have thought the first time around. So this time is going to be a cinch to just shave it off, right? Joj, it was still tough. I had waited so long to feel it hit my neck again. Such a silly thing, but I was so happy when I had finally reached that point again. Ahhh, Britney, you’re so vain, I know.

 

This was hair-do # 1. My hair was falling out pretty quickly by now. I lost my hair during the first treatment about two weeks after my first dose of chemo. This time around I was really hoping that I would be able to keep it a little bit longer because  I had only had a small dose of the chemo that would make my hair fall out quickly. My hair listened a little and it stayed about 5 days longer. Thank you hair. So we attempted a little Rihanna look. Really short in back with longer swept over bangs. We even attempted to Kool- Aid dye it pink. It kind of worked....

And my sweet Daxton was a major support!! He made sure to tell me that I was a "beautiful princess".



Hair-dos #'s 2 and 3 went pretty fast. It was a long night but we had to get some other fun pictures because my hair was going quickly. We gathered my family together for a fun little head shaving party and we decided to give me a wicked-cool blue MoHawk.

Parker, Stevie, and Dax also wanted to shave their hair off as well. Stevie has been growing his hair out since my wedding. It has been almost 5 years since he has cut off his curls. I knew this was a big sacrifice for him. I told him that he didn't have to completely shave everything off, but I truly appreciated him wanting to donate his curls to locks of love. We had to giggle a little at Dax because as Stevie sat in the chair, he looked at his daddy and asked him if he was pouting like a girl because he was getting a hair cut. Stevie just smiled and told him he was happy because he was supporting his cute sister. Oh how I love my brother. And our spunky Dax.

 

 

 

To be completely honest, the hardest part of shaving my head is what it meant. Being bald means that I am once again a cancer patient. When I had my hair, I could still go out in public, with my pig mask, but I can hide my central line (chemo lines) under my shirt and only get casual glances. No one knows that I have cancer. I’m just a silly lady who is afraid of germs at Home Depot. With a bald head, people look at me sympathetically and it’s hard to feel that vulnerable again.

            Why do cancer patients lose their hair anyways? Do you guys know why? Well let me tell you why… My red blood cells (carry oxygen), white blood cells (help immune system), and platelets (blood clotters) are the cells deep in my marrow that are creating mayhem in my blood right now. They are not properly maturing and they are causing my Leukemia to run rampant throughout my body. I am getting pumped with chemo. All of the chemos and radiation that are being used and will be used in my treatment and future transplant process rapidly destroy these dividing cells. Hair follicles, unfortunately, are a very fast dividing cell and the chemo and radiation actively attack those cells. As a result, Britney goes bald. You can also lose your eyebrows and eyelashes, but luckily I still have those.

            I know my hair will grow back. It will take some time but it will be back. I will finally be able to have my sister’s beautiful hair! She may not have the curls that I loved about my hair, but she has thickness that I’ve always wanted. Because Ebbie is my marrow donor, I will be using her marrow to grow my hair back so my hair will likely come back similar to hers. It is crazy to think that my hair can grow back a different color or texture. Too bad Ebbie isn’t blonde. That could have been crazy!

It's a good thing that my husband still loves me. Baldie and all. Gray and I now have a competition going on who's hair will grow faster. I think he is already winning me, but I'll give him that because he is so stinking cute! I am so grateful for my family. Though I may have those "vain" thoughts, I know that I am a beautiful person. Sometimes I have to think that as a look at the reflection in the mirror that is starting to resemble the cancer patient I once was. But I also know that this is only a small moment in my life once more. Being a cancer patient is not who I am. It is what I am fighting right now. Britney Jill Graham will come back strong once more and this will not consume my life.