Day One: A Very Looonnngg Day

            Dr. Hoda, one of my many LDS Hospital doctors, asked us to come up to the hospital on Tuesday, July 23 at 10:30 am. We were to meet with Dr. Julie Asch and our team to discuss what needed to be done to rid me of my leukemia for once and for all. After the meeting, it was going to be a long day of testing, poking, and prodding. It didn't sound very fun to me at all.

            It took all of the courage I could muster to pack up a bag to come to the hospital. The thought of being in the hospital was so overwhelming and unbearable. I didn’t even want to leave my closet. I sat in Gray’s room holding him and took in the spirit of our home. When the time came to leave, I couldn’t get off of the stairs. I was petrified and felt so helpless. I know that Joe was struggling too and we both were in so much shock. I knew the only way I could leave our home is with a blessing. I asked Joe to give me one and I think we both felt a little bit of peace to make it out the door and probably had a few angels ushering us out as well.

            During our meeting with Dr. Asch, it was determined that our best course of action was to first get me into remission immediately. My leukemia hadn’t spread too far into my body but I did now have a 9 cm mass on my ovary and a 4 cm mass in my intestine. My bone marrow was up to 71% with leukemic cells, so we needed to act fast. She also informed us that after we got me into remission, I would then have to do a bone marrow transplant. So a sweet tender mercy in this part of the story is that my sister, Ebbie, is my match. During my first treatments back in 2009, all of my siblings were tested and Eb’s came out as the winner! We were very grateful for this news, especially now.

            The transplant will probably take place sometime in early September, depending on how remission goes. It will be a simpler procedure for Ebbie. They’ll give her injections over the course of a week that will pull her marrow up into her blood where they will spin out the marrow…. Or something like that. I’ll get more details when the time gets closer. It’ll be about a 2 day process on her part but my part will be about a 4-6 week recovery process. But it’s nothing I can’t handle. We’ll just cross our fingers at that point and hope that my T-Cells won’t try to attack her cells and such.

            The remainder of my day was spent getting a lumbar puncture (spinal tap) with chemo, a central line put in,, and a CT scan. I was famished and exhausted towards the end of the day. And by the look of Joe, he was too. Gray was a trooper with daddy but by 6 pm, he was done too. Our little guy is not a big fan of the hospital, but who can blame him.

            By 9, Gray was beside himself. We knew that he would be better off at home in his own bed. I knew that Joe was extremely torn. Joe was by my side every single night in our first hospital stay, but now we had someone else to think about. I told him to go home and that I would be ok, but the moment that door shut, I was a mess. Once again I had never felt so alone. I knew that my thoughts were silly and that of course I wasn’t truly alone, but I was scared. I should definitely know better by now that these feelings were not from my Heavenly Father. And as a little tender mercy from him, he sent me the best RN that night. Sweet Rachael. She had become a really dear person to me over the past couple of years as I was going through my chemo treatments. We would talk about my struggles and about concerns about not being able to become a mom. She was very inspiring and uplifting and she just so happened to be my nurse that first night. So we talked and talked. Since I had last seen her she had become a mama of two. So we talked about our babies. She gave me hope for a future with Gray and she motivated me to do what I could to stay healthy and strong. She probably doesn’t really realize how much of a blessing she was that night, but I am truly grateful for her genuine care and concern. And Gray is thankful too.

* Don't mind the crazy red eyes. :)