Those That Laugh, Lasts

**Love this song!**

“The next time you are tempted to groan, you might try to laugh instead.”   

Mosiah 2:41 “And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual; and if they hold out faithful to the end they are received into heaven, that thereby they may dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness. O remember, remember that these things are true; for the Lord God hath spoken it.”

 

Hello from room E853! Yes, I am still up at LDS Hospital. It has been 3 and half weeks now and I am LOVING it. J I am still fighting Graft vs. host disease (GVHD) and it is going very slow. Graft vs. host disease is one of the major complications associated with my transplant. This is a reaction between Ebbie’s stem cells and my body tissues. As a result, I developed an awful rash and the GVHD settled in my GI tract creating horrible ulcers. As of right now, we are in a waiting game. I get the opportunity to practice patience.:)  I’ve also really have had the opportunity to reflect on happiness and why it is so important in this journey of mine.

        * *Good news today..... I'm finally off of just ice  chips and now can have diluted liquids!!    Watery chicken broth is AWESOME!! **

I have often had people ask me how I can stay so positive as we have been going through this trial and I have always answered “because I have to be”. Being happy is truly a choice. It is a conscious choice for me every single day. I am definitely human and I can fall into self pity at any given moment…. But I choose not to. What does it help? Who does it help? No one wants to be around a crab-butt. But truly I do have to make a conscious effort to remember to smile. I definitely think it is important to remember not to mask or suppress the hardships and feeling I may be facing, but I also know that ruminating on these fears will only bring doubt and hardships.  Doubt and fears undermine my faith in my Heavenly Father.

So, I choose to be happy. I actually have been studying a lot about happiness this week and why it brings so much joy into someone’s life, should they choose it. I learned from one of  Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin’s talk that “if we approach adversity wisely, our hardest times will be our greatest growths, which in turn can lead to times of greatest happiness” (Come What May and Love It ,Oct. 2008). We all know that we will feel pain and sorrow sometime in our lives. There are so many people I know right now that are going through their own hardships. I truly believe that if you decide to open your heart to the Lord, ask for his help, and then forget yourself and serve others, your heart will be filled with happiness once again.

I also learned that the Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. “That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in his own way. While it may not come at the  time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundred fold with tears of Rejoicing and Gratitude” (Elder Wirthlin, Oct, 2008).That is such a beautiful promise. But the catch is the word FAITHFUL. He can’t bless you if you are not willing to be obedient and trust in His love.

So the one way I have been trying to stay happy is to think of little things I can do each day to show others around me how much I love and appreciate them. I believe that some of the greatest expressions of love are the simple acts of kindness and caring we extend to those we meet along the paths of our lives. I have been blessed by so many of these people in my life whom I am incredibly grateful for. They have brought me joy and happiness and I am bound and determined to stay happy and to show others how much I love them!

Our Heavenly Father has given each of us a heart that is capable of experiencing the pure love of Christ. This is the trait that I have been working on. Love is the greatest of all commandments and “when we reach out to assist the least of Heavenly Father’s children, we do it unto Him” (Matt. 25:40). And oh... I am so thankful that I know that Heavenly Father loves me along with all my flaws. I am far from perfect and like I stated before, every day is a conscious battle to be happy. But I know that our Heavenly Father will NEVER give up on us!! HE NEVER WILL!!

“And inasmuch as you do these things with thanksgiving, with cheerful hearts and countenances….. the fullness of the earth is yours.” (D&C 58:15-16)

I truly Love you guys and I am so grateful for your prayers and warm wishes towards my family. Miracles happen and remember others who may also need your prayers and help!

Love,

                                                                     Britney Jill



  

*****WATCH THIS BEAUTIFUL VIDEO********** 

Come What May and Love It Mormon Message

http://youtu.be/tVNYhcYEwIE

 

 

To All Our Many Angels

“I have spoken here of heavenly help, of angels dispatched to bless us in time of need. But when we speak of those who are instruments in the hand of God, we are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with—here, now, every day. Some of them reside in our own neighborhoods. Some of them gave birth to us, and in my case, one of them consented to marry me. Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind.”            – Elder Jeffery R. Holland

I’m so sorry it has taken me so long to post a new update! Life at home has been wonderful and I sort of got sucked back into it. I am so grateful to be a more active mommy for Gray and do semi-normal things around the house. My blog has been severely neglected and for that, I apologize. But I am glad that I have had a couple of months to recoup a little and to spend the holidays with my little family.

I also really wanted to express my thankfulness and gratitude to everyone who has supported us and helped us through this crazy journey.  President Hinckley shared a beautiful message about gratitude. He stated that “gratitude creates the most wonderful feeling; it can resolve disputes, strengthen friendships, and make us better men and women.  Being grateful means setting down pride and softening your heart.” We have been so blessed by so many others who have taken us under their wings and shown so much compassion towards not only my little family, but to many we hold near and dear. Thank you for spreading the love and to others around you.

Lately I have had to set down my pride a lot to let others help me out once more. Back in January we had my 100 days after transplant check-up and things didn’t look too good. Though I was showing no signs of Graft vs. Host, my body’s new immune system wasn’t fighting off the tumors in my stomach like we wanted it to. My bone marrow biopsy also showed that I had 95% leukemic cells nestled in there again. Yuck.   My leukemia was still running rampant in my body.

My doctors decided that the next best step was to do a week long chemotherapy session. My body actually responded pretty well to the chemo. About two weeks later we did some follow up abdominal scans and my tumors had shrunken a little bit which made us and the doctors happy to see. Because of this improvement my doctors were able to talk with some doctors at the National Institute of Health, National Cancer Research Center in Bethesda, Maryland to take place in a study that has shown a lot promise and success. After discussing it over, we decided that it was the best plan for our family.

The Maryland treatment plan has limited enrollment, meaning they only can take certain amount of cases a year and we were happy to be able to qualify. The main focus of the study is to genetically engineer blood in order to manipulate it to destroy bad leukemic cells. The Research Center would receive T-Cells by gift from Eboni through a blood donation.  The cells then would be manipulated in a lab to recognize the CD19 marker on my leukemic B-Cells and seek to destroy them. Thus attacking my leukemia and getting me that much closer to remission.

So to start off my process of getting to Maryland, my doctors had to take me off of my immune suppressant drugs, Cyclosporine. We had to slowly taper it off and be off of the medication for about a month. So we did just that. Things were going smoothly but for some reason, our date to arrive at NIH kept getting pushed back. We are grateful for all the help from family and friends trying to find us accommodations back east. But again, the dates just would not line up.

But as I have learned these past couple of months, sometimes things don’t work out exactly as you have planned. We once again hit another bump in the road on our journey. Sickness finally hit our house. We have been completely blessed to have had so much protection from sicknesses with our little family. Gray finally picked up a little bug, but luckily it didn’t last long. But in turn, I ended up getting a fever for a few days. Luckily it wasn’t bad enough to have to be hospitalized, I was just pretty miserable. As a result, my immune system was really weakened. I started developing a bad rash all over my body and severe diarrhea. Ah man, I was miserable. My rash got so bad that it covered over 95% of my body and totally enveloped my feet where it was so painful to even walk.  

So it was off to the hospital I went, where I sit here today. I’ve been here for a week now. They have done testing and results have come back positive for Graft vs. Host Disease (GVHD). They have also found that I have GVH of the gut (GI System). It’s pretty bad, a stage 4, but we are slowly and I mean slowly nursing that back to health. It’s been slow….ooooh so slow and I am going crazy.  No food or drink is allowed in my system so my GI system can have a break and absorb the medications. So they put me back on steroids and that has made my appetite come back. I want Little Caesar’s Deep Dish pizza right now! J  Or hot chocolate,,, but in time I will have these once again.

Because I am now back on anti-rejection drugs and steroids to fight grade 4 GVH, both of which disqualified me to go on study in Maryland. I won’t be able to get off of immune suppressant drugs for up to 6 months as my doctors slowly tapper them off again. By tapering over 6 months instead of 3 we are hoping my body will not continue to reject the transplant and it will take hold without such severe GVH. Now NIH study will have to wait for now.

On a brighter note, I had some more testing done these past couple of days and I had a clear spinal tap and MRI of the brain. That has brought some comfort to our family to know that though we are going through this arduous time I still know that our Heavenly Father is watching out for us. Though we felt right about the study, maybe now is not the right time for it. As you all know, the weather has been awful out there. If I would have gotten out there and gotten GVH, who knows how long I would have been away from my family and support. I’m frustrated and confused but I also know that there is a reason for this unplanned path. I have to continue to remember to keep a grateful heart so that pieces of my life can properly heal. I must hand them, my burdens, to the Lord and allow Him to take those burdens from my heart.

Heavenly Father also promised that “I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, … my Spirit shall be in your [heart], and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.” D&C 84:88.You, my friends are my Angels. Thank you again for your love and continual support. Your prayers and love has reached and touched our family to the core.

Love you all,

Britney, Joe, and Grayson

 

The Ladybug in My Window

I wanted to start off this blog with that beautiful song. As I have been so stir crazy here at the hospital, this song helps remind me that we are all children of God and He is so aware of us. I know as I go through this process, Heavenly Father is well aware of me.

So I have been here at LDS Hospital for over a month now. It sure feels like it! I get really stir crazy because right now it is just a waiting game for my transplant to take hold of my body. I need to build up my neutrophils (white blood cells that form your immune system). Right now I am at 300ish and they need to be at 500. So I am on my way. My doctors are really happy with my progress. I just need to practice patience. I am itching so bad to break out of here but I know it’s more important to be healthy.

I thought that because sometimes I get frustrated and down because I am stuck in this room, I thought I would think of all the tender mercies I have had since being here. I have never in my life felt so much love and support from others in my whole life! Like I’ve said before, the outpouring of prayers have been overwhelming and so appreciated. My doctors are amazing here and so are the nurses and CNAs. Everyone is like a big family and they genuinely care. Some of my nurses even snuck me outside even though I technically am not allowed yet (Shhhhh….don’t tell my doctors). I have the opportunity to sit out and feel the sun on my face for the first time in a month. Maybe that’s when the ladybug followed us in. It’s still in here and makes me smile every time I look at it. According to a recent poll on my Facebook account, having a ladybug in my room is very good luck. So I’ll keep her around.

I also have the opportunity to play with my son every day! Joe and I have fabulous family who brings Gray up to us. We get to have quiet family time and love on our son. He has gotten more used to the hospital so he doesn’t holler too much. He just loves to see his daddy and mommy, and that makes my heart melt. I have also seen many friends and felt their love through their visits. (Sorry if I have fallen asleep on you or been tired)

Elder Jeffery R. Holland said in this past conference something I thought was profound. He said “If for a while the harder you try, the harder it gets, take heart. So it has been with the best people who ever lived.” I know as hard as things get with being here in this situation, I know that other people have overcome it. Our Savior suffered everything for us, so He totally knows what I am going through. There is an end near and I am pushing towards it. I can’t wait to be home and be with my family again!

So I Got a Transplant

 

I know a lot of people have been wondering about how I am doing. I thought I would catch everyone up on what’s happening and what my transplant was like. Once again I wanted to say thank you all for the encouraging messages, emails, and texts. I truly appreciate everyone’s genuine concern and encouragement.

First of all, I want to explain what a bone marrow transplant is and what does it entail? Back in 2009, my siblings were all tested to see if anyone was a match while I was going through chemo the first time. Because the chemo did its job so well, we didn’t have to end up doing a transplant. Sibling matches are some of the best matches because they are dealing with your own personal DNA so closely. Your body would have an easier time accepting the stem cells if it’s from someone so close. But you can definitely find close donors elsewhere too. Luckily, Eboni was my match.

Ebbie, in preparation for the transplant, three days before she donated her stem cells, had to get small injections of Neupogen. . This shot causes blood stem cells to move out of the bone marrow into her bloodstream where they can be collected. Stem cells are immature bone marrow cells which will eventually set up shop to become mature red and white blood cells. The stem cells are programed to know where to go. They will set up camp in my bones and the goal is for it to completely take over my body. The main goal is for my whole body to be filled with Ebbie's blood. (She better watch out if I ever get in a crime and leave a blood trail. She's the one who will be caught, :))Then for 3 days, Ebbie came up to the hospital for 4-6 hours where she was hooked up to a machine. They placed needles in both arms and collected her stem cells. It would filter out the stem cells and return her blood back to her. It was pretty tiring for her, but she took it like a champ.

As I waited for her stem cells, I received full body radiation and chemo to help kill my residual cancer cells. The full body radiation lasted like 30 minutes (15 each side) but it went by relatively fast. It didn’t hurt; It just made me tired for the rest of the day. Then I just had to wait for Ebbie.

On Saturday October 12.the doctors infused Ebbie’s stem cells through my central line. It was just like getting blood any other day, so it was pretty anti-climactic. This day is known now as my “New Birthday”. All of the nurses came in with a cake and sang to me. That was so sweet of them. Ebbie was able to be there too to watch her marrow stem cells enter into me. It was a great moment.

It’s been a couple of days since the transplant and I’m feeling really good. We won’t find out much about the transplant stuff for about 2 weeks. We have to watch for graft versus host disease. This is when my body tries to reject Ebbie’s stem cells. We pray this won’t happen. It can appear in a lot of different ways like rashes and diarrhea. It’s something I could still live with but it would just be annoying.

Sorry this post may be a bit airy than my other posted but it’s getting late and I wanted everyone to know that I am doing really well. I know we may have a few setbacks here and there but all will work out how it’s supposed to. It’s all in Heavenly Father’s timing. President Gordon B. Hinckley said, “ You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make,” I have to remember these words of wisdom as I sit in my room feeling sorry for myself sometimes. It’s way too easy to do that. I know the time I am sacrificing from my family will only help me. It’s hard, but I have to do it and I’m grateful that things have lined up the way they have. My time away from Gray and Joe kill me. I know it’s necessary that I’m gone and I have an opportunity to get better and stronger for them. I’m grateful that I still get to see them each day and that Joe has stayed so closely by my side.   I love my family and my Savior. I’m thankful for their sacrifices for me. I couldn’t ask for any other family or friends. I love you all sooooo much!

Ode to My Sister

Eboni Jo McPherron (Eads) was born July 18^th, 1990. Though it should have been a joyous occasion for me, being almost 6 and all, I was not delighted. There was another girl coming into the family and she was going to steal my thunder. I, being the only girl for six years was used to the spoiling and attention and let’s face it,,,, I was a brat. But Ebbie came anyways.

She was an okay little sister. Annoying and wanted to play with me, but almost worse than that, my friends WANTED to play with her. I have to admit that she was a stinking cute little girl, so I don’t blame them. I have one very distinct memory that stands out for me about Ebbie. It was just after Christmas and I was so excited because I had gotten a candy cane filled with Lip Smackers chapsticks. Not just one but many. I was ecstatic because those were the cool things to have and I finally had some. Well one day, I came into my room and Ebbie was sitting on top of my dresser. She had in her hand my Lip Smacker candy cane. She had eaten/demolished ALL of my chapsticks I didn’t have a single one. I yelled for my mom and in my head I thought for sure she would be given away. What she did was the ultimate last straw and I was for sure going to be rid of her. My mom wouldn’t keep her anymore. She was so naughty! But mom just laughed and even went and got her camera and took a  picture of it. I was not a happy girl.

 

As the years passed, of course our relationship changed. It took a while for me to notice Ebs through my teen years and it wasn’t until I was leaving on my mission for me to realize how much I loved her and that she loved me. She had burst out in tears when I became a missionary and could hardly contain her sobs the whole time. She was a great pen pal. When I had gotten home from my mission, our relationship had changed to a deep friend ship. Today I can honestly say that she is my best friend. We spend so much time together and I love every moment.

Oh, what I didn’t mention was that before my sister was born, my mom had carried my brother, Bronson, whom she lost, My family was devastated. That was to be the end of our family. Just us four kids. My mom had planned to get her tubes tied and she was done. This decision was made and it was final. The Bronson died (stillborn).  After a bit, she did receive conformation that our family was not done. If she had gotten her tubes tied, we would not have had my sister, Eboni, or my little brother, Treven. For years and years, we called Bronson our Saturday's warrior because we always said that he gave up his chance here on Earth to let Ebbie and Trev come down.

But now, things are coming slowly into full fruition. We are now finally understanding the great sacrifice my little brother made on behalf of our family. If Bronson had come, Ebbie wouldn't have been here. Ebbie is my bone marrow match. My only relative bone marrow match. If she hadn't have been born, my parents probably would have lost me too by now. Ebbie is literally going to save my life. And our Heavenly Father knew this. Bronson probably knew this too. It brings to mind a quote by Elder Neal A, Maxwell that says, “Faith in God includes faith in His timing.” Also in 2^nd Nephi 2 it states “But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of Him who knoweth all things."

 

I know that our Heavenly Father loves us and that He has a plan for our lives.Eboni was not meant to be given away the day she ate my chapsticks. She was meant to be my sister and my best friend. I love her more than words can express and am eternally grateful that she is given me the opportunity through her marrow to give me life. I'm so grateful for the gospel and that we know we can have our families forever. Ebbie will be my sister for forever. 

Eboni Jo, Il love you forever, I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living (and longer) my sister you’ll be.

Some Long Days......

So it’s been how many days in the hospital now???? Feels like forever! I think I got here Friday the 20^th and it’s been a long almost 3 weeks. I’m going a little stir crazy and I’m getting a sore tuckas! I’m feeling very guilty because I haven’t written for a while. It’s been hard with my eyesight being so bad. But no worries, I got some brain radiation that has helped improve my vision and also a wonderful husband who will proofread this post. Or maybe I shouldn’t have him proofread it and I’ll have to look back at it later and laugh at misspellings and such.

Well, like I stated earlier, I have been in the hospital for a while. Looking at the same four walls and I am getting so antsy. It’s sad that when the doctor says that you have an MRI or a CT scan, you get excited about it! Now that’s crazy.  I think the hardest part of this waiting processes is feeling half decent and alert so everyday creeps a little longer. When I first got into the hospital, I was so nauseous and sick that I hardly even remember the first week. When I finally “came out of it” everyone was so expressive about how great I looked and how we all of a sudden had no government. Oh man, I had no clue how long I was out. I’m thankful though that it had only been a couple of days and I was feeling more alert and ready to take on my crowds of people coming to visit. I’m sorry if I was half-dead if anyone tried to come and see me earlier that week….. but I was very sick.

 So next, I truly want to thank everyone who participated/helped/supported my 5k. I could not believe the turn out we had! I was able to Facetime Joe and see some of the boutique, goodies, and race. Plus I got to talk to some wonderful people. Thank you, thank you for your generous support and love.  It is completely overwhelming. It moves me to tears every time I think of our neighbors (old and new) and the love they have shown us, it truly is overwhelming. I can’t even express my gratitude.

And to our family…..I can’t even express the thankfulness in my heart for all the time they have sacrificed on our behalf. They have spent nights away from their families to stay at our house with our little Gray. I was able to see my wonderful brother for a week, who flew in from Hawaii. My little brother came down from school in Colorado to spend time with us. (Thank you Stayner Family) My sister from Alaska has even come down and has been such a blessing for

our Gray and I think especially for Joe. Our family has been remarkable. They have taken over motherly duties for me and offered so much selfless service. My mom has been at the hospital by 8:00 am everyday so I am not alone when Joe goes to work.

The love of a mother is so strong and I think that is what kills me the most about this process is that I feel like I am letting my little guys down. I know it is crazy and I know I have to get better for him but it is so hard to watch him grow up every day and miss out on the little things. So it totally makes me understand my own mother’s devotion to be by my side. I guess no matter the age you are; you never want to see your children in pain. I have to keep telling myself that I have plenty of time with my son and thank heavens he is so young to not remember these months, hopefully. Sometimes when I see him, he doesn’t want to look at me. I think he really is mad at me sometimes, he even tells me through his grunting. J  I love him!!

Enough being sorry for myself. I was thankful this week to be able to get feeling better and to be able to spend time with my family. Conference was beautiful and it filled my heart with joy to hear our Prophet’s voice. I loved President Dieter Uchdorf’s talk where he emphasized that we should “Doubt your doubts, but not your Faith”. That was something I needed to hear. The thing I love about conference is that there is always at least one talk that will be written directly for you. I love it.

*EXTRA GREAT NEWS*

So we’ve been having to keep moving back my transplant date because our insurance said that the medical protocol (chemo regiment) I was getting wasn’t standard procedure so they weren’t going to pay for it along with the transplant. But luckily we had a lot of prayers behind us and an army of angry LDS hospital doctors and financial coordinators who were willing to fight for us. We got news this morning that the transplant is a go! Saturday the 12^th of October will be my new birthday!! I am so grateful for my sweet sister and her sacrifice of precious marrow for me to live. Thank you for your combined prayers! We truly are blessed.